3. Share your feelings too.
Emotions are tools that can strengthen
relationships. Think about your friends that feel closest to. The friends that know you best are those who have seen
you in a variety of emotions: anger, sadness, frustration, fear, insecurity,
and joy. The more you feel comfortable opening up and sharing with your friends, the deeper the bond of friendship. And so it is with marriage.
As you share emotions with your husband, your bond will deepen. Sharing emotions throughout your typical day to day interactions will establish a good pattern of communication. Trust will develop as you each respect each others' feelings. Feeling comfortable talking about feelings is especially important when you are discussing differing opinions.
When
disagreements develop, take some time to really ponder on your own emotional
state. Has your opinion formed out of fear, worry, or jealousy? Does your desired
action lead you to feel joy, security, or comfort? Own your feelings. When you have discovered how you
truly feel, share those insights with your husband. Explain to him how your
opinion was formed and which emotions are driving your thought process. Remember to use kind words in a gentle voice as you discuss your viewpoint (see Part One of this series.)
Your husband will
feel more comfortable trusting you with his true emotions if you can open up
and share what is inside your heart. After you have said your part, allow him time to formulate what he
is feeling. The "mirroring" skills I described in Part Two help to slow down a conversation. If you want your husband to open up and share what he honestly thinks and feels, give him time to analyze his own heart. Let him think about what he wants to say.
Realize that it is possible that your husband doesn't know how to label the emotion
he feels, so as you name your feelings, you are teaching emotion words that can
help him.
