4. Talk about your day to day lives
Establish
patterns of casual conversation in your marriage. Talk about your time at work,
your time with the children, your friendships, the news, or the weather. Tell
jokes and reminisce about favorite memories. A pattern of daily conversations about the silly, the mundane, the joys, and the goals of life keep a couple talking about things that will bond them together.
The more frequently you talk to your husband (and listen to him), the easier it will be to communicate when there is discord.
Sometimes spouses stop communicating in order to avoid a fight. While taking the time to cool-off can help a couple communicate better, long term avoidance hurts a marriage. Avoiding a
conversation heightens anxiety at home. Anxiety and fear only breed mistrust and defensiveness,
neither of which will produce a productive conversation. It is more likely that when the dam of avoidance bursts, all that emotion and pain will explode into a fight.
Part Three explains more about sharing feelings in a healthy way.
Wives, try not to bombard your husband as soon as he walks in the door. Talk with him, not at him. Sometimes mothers are so excited to have another adult in the house that they talk non-stop all the way through dinner (I'm guilty of this as well.) But remember that a conversation is best when both people are talking and sharing. Give your husband time to talk too.
A
healthy pattern of communication includes kind and respectful words as well (see Part One of this series.) The words "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry" should not be strangers at your home. Frequently talking to each other and listening strengthen a couples’ ability to handle minor
mishaps because there is already an established pattern of communicating.
