Respecting the Men in your Life

Recently I read a fantastic article about how women treat men in today's society. Written by a pair of brilliant sisters at, the authors eloquently bemoan the popular trend of women putting down their husbands.
Read the full article here.
I too have noticed this dangerous trend. It seems that every time women get together in a social group, the party eventually becomes a husband bashing extravaganza. Okay, maybe that it's not an "extravaganza," but the poor husbands definitely get criticized. Somehow female bonding has become synonymous with:

 "Sorry I'm late, my husband made me cook dinner before I left because he doesn't know what to feed the kids."
"Oh, well my husband can't even figure out bathtime. The floor gets soaked! How hard is it to bathe a couple kids?"
"Oh no! My husband tried to wash the cloth diapers with regular detergent the other day. What an idiot."
"Well my husband offered to cook dinner, and then he ordered in a pizza. That's considered cooking?"

And on and on the cycle goes in a contest to see who has the most rude, most unintelligent, most dunce-like hubby.
I guess the guys don't deserve credit for trying to take of dinner, bathing the kids, or starting the laundry?

I implore women to stop being so harsh on their men!

Can you imagine what would happen if the men gathered together and berated their wives in that way? Tears and fury would fly for quite some time, and women would declare themselves heartbroken and shamed. Yet somehow it is acceptable (and encouraged!) for women to bash their husbands in public. Consider this Facebook post from a very popular group that normally makes hilarious videos. I wanted to post whether a video was being made about "Wife Fails," but I didn't want to deal with the attacking drama that would ensue. Because you know the claws would come out! That fury is why this trend is so one-sided and so unfair. Over 4,000 likes and almost 200 shares? Not to mention the multitude of comments where women describe the idiocies of the one person they vowed to love and cherish. Why is husband bashing so accepted in our society?

I remember an evening out with the girls about a year after my marriage. The group consisted of a few sister-in-laws and then some of Johnny's friends' wives. It didn't take long for the discussion to turn towards family life, since most of us were relatively new to marriage. For me, the conversation became unpleasant quickly. I learned way too much about their sex lives (and their husbands' failings) than I wanted to know, especially since we were in a packed restaurant. I felt ashamed to be associated with the group because of the comments coming out of their mouths, and I felt sorry for the people sitting close enough to hear their conversations. However, I felt sorry for the husbands the most. I knew these guys. I knew they loved their wives. And I knew they would be embarrassed and hurt to hear the critiques being leveled their way.

Eventually the conversation turned to me, as if the pressure was on to "spill" about Johnny. As a counselor I know the detriments of such poor actions, so I simply said something along the lines of "Johnny is great. He helps with dinner and laundry. And so, yeah, um, that's it, so. . ."

First off, my husband is fantastic. He listens to me, he supports me, he encourages me, and we work together as a team. He loves me, and I love him. So why would I bash him just to gain the affirmation of a group of angry females? I called him on the way home from the restaurant and told him about my frustrations. I explained the pressure I felt to criticize him and how uncomfortable it was to hear them speak that way about their spouses. He quietly responded, "What did you say about me?" And I was happy to reassure him that I didn't criticize him to them. He was grateful! I was happy to reassure him of my love and consideration.

Society frowns upon any man talking poorly about his wife. Rightly so. Those are not conversations for the public arena. Disagreements need to be resolved one-on-one at home.
But women should hold themselves to the same standard. Don't bash your man out in public!
Work out small frustrations with your hubby at home. Tell him that his socks seem to fall next to the hamper, rather than inside the hamper. Tell him that the lid needs to stay on the toothpaste. Tell him about your laundry preferences. And listen to him  - gasp! - if he has requests for you. Marriage is a two-way deal. Work together to make it the most loving, the most trusting, the most comfortable, and the most joyful deal you'll ever have.

Treat your husband with all the same loving emotion you felt when you were dating, just now you know more about his quirks and flaws. Love him for his quirks, and show that you love him by not ripping him apart to others. And if there is something you legitimately need to talk to a friend about, then talk in a one-on-one conversation.

If you want a happy marriage - be kind to your spouse!
Your actions will encourage the same reaction in your favor. Be nice to him, and he'll probably be nice to you.

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